What If Vision
by Piggiepug
Summary: ---NEW UPDATE! ROMEO & JULIET What-If Part III is Up!--- Seeking for craziness in the world of Harry Potter? Wanna see Draco as an evil little villain? Or Snape been all nice and cudley? It's all here playing on the What-If-Vision!
1. Chapter 1

What if Vision  
  
*A/N: This is an edited version (by my betas and me) and I hope you like the improvement!  
  
Chapter 1 - Yet Another Amazing discovery by Saint Potter  
  
All was quiet in the Gryffindor girls' dormitory, every one was fast asleep and Hermione Granger was no exception. But she turned as someone tugged on her bed sheets. Hermione supposed that it was only her cat, so she merely whispered "Go away Crookshanks, it's too early to get up."  
  
"Hermione, it's us! Get up!"  
  
Wait. Cats didn't talk.  
  
"Harry, Ron, what are you doing here? It's still dark," yawned Hermione, "and if you haven't noticed, this is a Girls' dormitory!"  
  
"Apparently this idiot found something incredible, and couldn't wait to show us," whispered Ron, sounding groggy too.  
  
"I had to show you guys, it is so amazing!" said Harry, without an ounce of tiredness on his face.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
*On the fourth floor corridor*  
  
"Harry, last time you found an amazing gadget you got so preoccupied with it that you wouldn't move until Dumbledore made you!" And I thought you learnt something from the mirror of Erised!" nagged Hermione, with a scowl.  
  
"Oh give him a break Herms, don't tell me you're not curious. Well Harry, what did you find this time? Snape's underwear on a stick?" asked Ron, as he tried to avoid stepping on someone else's foot, which was hard considering that the three of them were under the Invisibility cloak.  
  
"We're almost there!" chocked Harry with excitement. They were now standing in front of what looked like a dusty old broom closet. "I was just wandering around here yesterday after Charms and I heard this thumping sound coming out of a broom closet," he said, pointing to the closet.  
  
"And found this!"  
  
Harry pushed open the door, revealing a small circular room; it was dimly lit with candles. In the middle of the room stood a marble podium.  
  
"Nice room you got here!" remarked Ron as his eyes traveled around the room.  
  
On top that podium stood something that highly resembled a muggle television set. The three of them walked up towards the podium.  
  
"I think it wanted to be found, which explains the thumping" said Harry. He turned a little knob at the bottom of the 'thingamajig' and the screen immediately burst to life.  
  
"I think its possessed!" declared Ron, who looked rather anxious to go.  
  
"Don't be stupid Ron, this is a What-If vision!" explained Harry. "You can ask it any what-if question and it will show it to you! Surely you've read about it Hermione?"  
  
For once, Hermione the walking encyclopedia was utterly clueless.  
  
"Well it wasn't mentioned in 'Hogwarts, a History'!" she proclaimed.  
  
"OK, I'll show you how it works. Ron, Hermione, one of you asks it a question, any what-if question would do."  
  
"I'll do it! Uhmm.what should I ask it? Oh, I know!" said Ron, with a mischievous grin on his freckled face.  
  
"What if Severus Snape was nice?"  
  
A/N: Okay people, what do think of that? For those who have read it, is it better? For those who haven't is it good? Do you want to read more? Then REVIEW! (sorry, I just love reviews! 


	2. Chapter 2: Nice Snape?

What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter 2  
  
*A/N: Yippee! Reviews! Ok, I know its stupid for asking for '5 or more' but it worked didn't it? Anyhow here's the next Chapter! (its longer)*  
  
'Good one Ron!' said Harry enthusiastically, 'Lets sit down and watch!' at those words, three comfy chairs appeared out of thin air and they all settled down to watch the 'What-if-vision'.  
  
(On the 'What if Vision')  
  
Harry and Ron were sprinting towards the dungeons, knowing that they were extremely late.  
  
'Pr.. Professor, We're so sorry, we.' Ron was trying to catch his breath, 'We were held up! That's why Harry and I are late!'  
  
'Don't worry dears; I'm sure that you both have very good reasons for been late. Now why don't you and Harry go sit down and prepare for the potion that we are brewing today!' said Professor Snape, smiling at the two. 'Attention everybody, today we are going to be brewing the Wakeful Potion. Can any one of you lovely doves tell me what the Wakeful Potion does? Hermione?'  
  
Hermione answered proudly, 'The Wakeful potion can cause the drinker to stay awake no matter what is done to them, it is said to be more useful then the muggle potion, Coffee.'  
  
Snape clapped fondly. 'That was Super Duper Hermione! Lets see, 100 points to Gryffindor for Hermione's marvelous answer and 20 points to Slytherin for staying so quiet when she was answering my question! Okay kiddos, please begin making the potion!' Everyone was either stirring or pouring more ingredients into their Purple caldrons, (Snape insisted that they should make their caldrons look 'nicer') everyone except for Neville.  
  
'What's wrong Sweetie? Did you melt another caldron?' asked Snape with concern, 'Don't worry Neville, you can come and work with my caldron. How about that?' The potions Master didn't wait for Neville to answer, but held his hand and carefully led the boy to the front of the room, towards a Bright Pink caldron decorated with red love hearts. Neville looked even more terrified but Snape didn't notice.  
  
'Class, since you have all completed and drank your potions, I would like to test the effectiveness of the Waking Potion, by singing to you all a lullaby! If anyone of you happen to fall asleep I would blame it on my enchanting voice!' Snape laughed gently at his own joke, though the rest of the class looked petrified.  
  
Snape smiled, conjured up a microphone and started singing in a very 'disturbing' way  
  
"Lullaby, and good night,  
  
With pink roses bedight,  
  
With lilies o'erspread,  
  
Is my baby's sweet head.  
  
Lay you down now, and rest,  
  
May your slumber be blessed!  
  
Lay you down now, and rest,  
  
May thy slumber be blessed!"  
  
Every solitary person in the classroom (except for Snape who was having a lovely time) had his or her fingers stuck firmly in their ears, trying to block out the atrocious 'singing' from their teacher. He could definitely beat Myrtle in moaning.  
  
Lullaby, and good night,  
  
You're your mother's delight,  
  
Shining angels beside  
  
My darling abide.  
  
Soft and warm is your bed,  
  
Close your eyes and rest your head.  
  
Soft and warm is your bed,  
  
Close your eyes and rest your head."  
  
Snape looked around, seeing if anyone had gone to sleepy land due to his 'angelic' voice. There was only one person who seemed to be 'snoozing'. But when he checked, Draco Malfoy had not fallen asleep, but had rather fainted.  
  
"Sleepyhead, close your eyes.  
  
Mother's right here beside you.  
  
I'll protect you from harm,  
  
You will wake in my arms.  
  
Guardian angels are near,  
  
So sleep on, with no fear.  
  
Guardian angels are near,  
  
So sleep on, with no fear."  
  
By then more then half the class has already been brought to Madam Pomfrey, and was waiting to be 'revived'.  
  
"Lullaby, and sleep tight.  
  
Hush! My darling is sleeping,  
  
On his sheets white as cream,  
  
With his head full of dreams.  
  
When the sky's bright with dawn,  
  
He will wake in the morning.  
  
When noontide warms the world,  
  
He will frolic in the sun."  
  
*(Back to Harry, Ron and Hermione watching the 'What-If-Vision')*  
  
'Man I hope Snape would never be nice!' laughed Ron, as the screen of the 'What-If-Vision' went blurry again.  
  
'That was a great one Ron! I told you guys that this was an amazing discovery!' Said Harry, with a tone of pride in his voice.  
  
'Actually I think Professor Snape's singing was quite good! But it was funny.' 'Hermione, how could you think that slimy git sings well?' asked Harry 'don't mind her, she thinks Lockhart's awesome remember?' Ron got up and turned the little knob on the 'What-If-Vision' again 'Ask it another question!'  
  
A/N: Ok, if you want more, then hit that BUTTON and REVIEW!!!!!!!! 


	3. Author's Note

Author's Note:  
  
This is NOT a chapter.  
  
I just posted this because I wanted to see what kind of 'what ifs' you reader would like to see me write. I do have some which I will write later, but I would also like to here what you think! I'll post the next Chapter ASAP. So please just suggest a 'What if' in your Review!  
  
Thanks A lot!  
  
Piggiepug 


	4. Chapter 3: Gildy and Lawny Part I

A/N: Sorry for the extremely long wait! I've been just so preoccupied with the OoP and the after effects and stuff. Anyways, thanks for all the reviews! Lets tune in with the 'What-If-Vision' then!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
What-if-Vision  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Oh I'll do one! I saw this brilliant one last time!" Harry got up next to Ron and said clearly to the What-If-Vision, as the screen began to swirl in colours.  
  
"What if Gilderoy Lockhart returned to Hogwarts and fell madly in love with Sybill Trelawney?" (A/N: Thanks Bayer04rulz, though this is not what it seems to be.)  
  
"Harry, I never knew you had that much time on your hands and spent it by examining teacher relationships! You could have helped with S.P.E.W!", Hermione exclaimed. Harry blushed.  
  
"Give him a break, even if he is the Boy-Who-Lived, he should be entitled to 'examine teacher relationships'. His only human..." "Lets watch the Vision okay?" Harry interrupted Ron, "It's already started."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
(On the What-If-Vision)  
  
"Come in. Ah! I've been expecting you Gilderoy.I say, what happened to you?" asked Dumbledore, with a trace of astonishment on his face.  
  
For what stood before him in his magnificent office is no longer the blonde haired blue-eyed wizard that had the 'most charming smile', instead there stood solid and alive, a house elf. (Or what looked like one)  
  
But instead of wearing the normal 'attire' of a house elf, this one had on miniature wizard robes fit and accompanying those robes was the broad vacant smile that undoubtly belonged to Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
"Well you see Professor, I had a little accident after leaving St Mungo." he answered, in a squeaky voice.  
  
"And how did you end up in this.uhm.state?" Dumbledore inquired curiously  
  
" Before setting off for Hogwarts, I went to the leaky cauldron for a drink. There I met Gladys Gudgeon and we had a little drink," said Lockhart, not looking at Dumbledore. "Please continue Mr. Lockhart." Said Dumbledore simply.  
  
"Then I has uh. introduced to her husband, and I guess he wasn't quite fond of me, so he cursed me. And 'Poof', I became a house elf!" Lockhart cried out, not noticing the Dumbledore's effort to prevent himself from laughing.  
  
"Well Gilderoy, I have arranged for you to become an assistant to Professor Sybill Trelawney, and you will be helping with her Divination classes. Is that alright with you?" Asked Dumbledore.  
  
"Yeah, I was top of my class in Divination! It'll be an easy job." Lockhart bragged  
  
"If my memory proves me right, you never took Divination when you were here at Hogwarts, never mind, Here are the keys to your room, they are next door to Professor Trelawney's and this would hopefully be more 'convenient' for the two of you." Dumbledore added, with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"There you go Hermione, you get your 'dreamy' Lockhart as well as a House elf all in one, great deal huh?" Harry grinned  
  
"Lets keep watching." Hermione said, ignoring Harry's comment  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Lockhart was carrying his truck up the stairs to the top tower, (A/N: I forgot where the Divination classroom is located at) as he mumbled to himself. "This is work fit for a House elf! Bad luck I can't do magic in this stupid form, at least I still look good" he paused, checking his reflection in a near by mirror.  
  
" You must be Gilderoy Lockhart, I'm a big fan of yours! Oh I can't wait to work with you!" exclaimed Professor Trelawney from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Nice to met you Sybill." Said Lockhart, giving her a typical 'Gilderoy Lockhart smile'. She looked good, he thought as he checked her out.  
  
"Oh let me get that for you Gilderoy!" she said, and with a swish of her wand the heavy trunk flew up and landed next to her.  
  
"Please, call me Gildy." he said, before walking up to join her.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: This is only the 1st half of the 'Lockhart/Trelawney What-if' if you want to see the next half- review! AND, please give more suggestions of your own What-ifs!!  
  
Ami Black: Great ideas! But 'Sirius raising Harry' has been done too often in other Fanfics, plus it'll take too long.  
  
Airotci: I might consider some of your suggestions.  
  
BaYer04rulz: Thanks again, so far, is this what you thought would've happened?  
  
Aragornrocks: Yeah! Brilliant idea, I'm a total Draco/Hermione shipper! And I've thought of doing this too, maybe later.  
  
Ameneko: That's a good one too!  
  
~ Anyone who would like me to tell you when I update, leave a note in your review and your email address as well ^_^ ~ 


	5. Chapter 4: Gildy and Lawny Part II

A/N: Hi, here's the next part of our favorite romance story:  
  
Disclaimer: Owning nothing and proud of it! (Yeah right!) Oh and the 'Pessimistic Prophesies' is of my creation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Four - Gildy and Lawny Part II  
  
*On the What-If-Vision*  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"My dear, what have I done to deserve such.exquisite hospitality from you?" Lockhart moaned.  
  
"Just sit back and relax, let my hands work their tricks.if there's anything you need." offered Trelawney.  
  
"No, I'm quite alright!" he chuckled, jingling a glass of what looked like ice-cold pumpkin juice, " but I must say, you're quite a professional! Surely you added this.talent of yours onto your resume?"  
  
Trelawney blushed at Lockhart's comment, but kept going with the foot massage she was giving him.  
  
"You know Gildy, I've always had a soft spot for house elves, especially good looking ones like yourself!" she admitted.  
  
" My fair lady, I admire you as much as you do for me. Come closer please, there is.eh.something I would like to show you." asked Lockhart, with a sly grin on his 'elfish' face.  
  
Trelawney paused, and then moved next to where Gilderoy's head lay, on the couch.  
  
"What is it?" she questioned.  
  
"Come closer, a bit more," pleaded Lockhart. As the confused Divination teacher moved in nearer towards him, Lockhart leaned in, waiting to close the space between them.  
  
"Class is going to start in 5 minutes! Oh dear! Gildy, we have to prepare for the class!" Trelawney stood up so suddenly that Lockhart rolled over and landed on the floor with a 'thump'.  
  
By the time they finished turning on the mist machine and lighted the incense, most of the students were already filling their seats.  
  
"My dears, today we will be studying the art of prophesy making, but before I start the lesson, I would like to introduce Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, who has returned to assist me in my Divination classes." announced Professor Trelawney.  
  
Lockhart stood up from his chair and gave a small bow to the class. There were gasps and mumbles and whispers filled the classroom once the students recognized the changes in their ex-defence-against-the-dark-arts teacher.  
  
"Please be quiet class, Gildy.I mean Professor Lockhart may have suffered some changes on the outside, but he is still a talented young man inside." she continued, ignoring the number of hands raised. "Please turn to page 154 of 'Pessimistic Prophecies'. You will be working in pairs today. Write down any prophesies you that you can discover in your partner."  
  
Ron was working on Harry's prophecy, which foretold Harry winning the annual Miss Universe beauty contest. They were laughing with tears running down their cheeks until they were interrupted by a high-pitched voice.  
  
"A beauty contest eh? Still want to broaden your popularity Harry?" said Lockhart sharply, "I started winning beauty pageants at the age of two, so if you need any help or advice, I'll always be here for you."  
  
After he left, the boys exchanged looks, "He hasn't changed a bit has he? Not even after been obliviated!" Ron joked, amused to see Harry's face glow with embarrassment, but before he could say anything else, Professor Trelawney walked towards their table with a look of horror on her face.  
  
"Professor Lockhart just told me that Mr. Weasley predicted your winnings at a Miss Universe contest, is this true?" she badgered, Ron nodded his head.  
  
"Oh dear, by using my extended knowledge of prophesies, I can say that this one is a gloomy one. I'm sorry to inform you of this, but after you receive your title as Miss Universe, you will slip and accidentally fall of the stage, and the tip of your tiara will spear through your head, leaving you to die a most painful death." She then left them in shock as she walked over to help Parvati and Lavender.  
  
Harry was first to recover from Professor Trelawney's 'explanation', "I never thought this would happen, but Lockhart and Trelawney will be the end of us!"  
  
A/N: Did you like it? Anything Wrong? More 'what-if' suggestions? State 'em all in your REVIEW! 


	6. The Dark Lord who fell in love with a sh...

A/N: This is NOT a proper Chapter, I just wrote this because I wanted to. Loads of thanks to Dragon Sisters for giving me the 'inspiration'.  
  
Title: The dark lord who fell in love with a shoe  
  
There was a big baddie  
  
Who fell in love with a shoe  
  
He called himself voldie  
  
But we call him You-know who  
  
He cradles his love  
  
And kisses its laces  
  
He thought he's teeth looked bad  
  
So he went to get braces  
  
"Saving the world before Potions time" That's the next chapter of the 'What-If-Vision'. If anyone can guess the correct 'What-if' for the Chapter title, you'll get a virtual slab of Honeyduke's Chocolate! So submit your guess along with your review! 


	7. Chapter 5: Saving the World before Potio...

A/N: Well since no one got the correct answer for the lil competition at the end of Chapter 6, I get to keep the Honeyduke's Chocolate! *Laughs evilly* Airotci, you were the closest to the answer, so a round of applause for you, unfortunately (or rather fortunately) Snape is NOT going to be a Powerpuff girl. Lots and lots of thanks to my betas, and now, on with the Chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: All I own is this Computer I'm typing on and a pre-booked cloud in Heaven.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Five - Saving the world before Potions time: Part I  
  
"Well you should be grateful I didn't choose McGonagall and Snape!" Laughed Harry.  
  
"Yeah, that will be like making a couple out of Hermione and Malfoy!" remarked Ron, before bursting into laughter as well.  
  
"Be quiet you guys, it's not funny!" scowled Hermione. "I would like to have a go and choose a What-if."  
  
She walked forward and turned the little knob. "So.what if Harry, Ron and I were Superheroes?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
*On the What-If-Vision*  
  
The Great Hall was filled with gossip about the latest Witch Weekly, or chats about the new Quidditch season. Suddenly, the doors of the Great Hall flew open, and a horrified looking Filch came running in.  
  
"They took her! Oh, they took my love!" he screamed.  
  
Professor Dumbledore quickly left his seat and approached the trembling caretaker, placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"There, there Argus, calm down. What's the matter?" asked Dumbledore, as he adjusted his half moon glasses.  
  
"Mrs. Norris, she's gone, they took her, those bastards!" he cried, "My cat has been kidnapped, and this is all those bloody culprits left." Filch held up a few strands of cat fur and a crumpled piece of parchment.  
  
A few students looked horrified, but most were happy to have gotten rid of the caretaker's annoying feline friend.  
  
"I think it's time to call in our experts," Dumbledore announced, before letting out a loud whistle that shook all the chandeliers in the Hall.  
  
Three figures flew into the Great Hall speedily on broomsticks as cheers of recognition from the students filled the Hall.  
  
"It's the Potterpuff Gang!" Several first years screamed with excitement. Harry, Ron and Hermione stepped off their brooms to greet the headmaster.  
  
"You called us, Sir?" asked Harry, straightening out his gleaming red cloak.  
  
"Yes, an most unfortunate crisis has occurred, our . em.dearly beloved Mrs. Norris has been kidnapped and it will be up to the three of you to locate and rescue her," Dumbledore explained, holding out the letter for them to read. "This is a note left by the captor. Would you like to have a look at it Miss Granger?"  
  
Hermione nodded as she has took the note, which she read out loud to her partners:  
  
"To whom this may concern,  
  
By the time you read this note, it will be too late and your beloved cat - Mrs. Augustus Norris will be undergoing the complex steps of mummification under my very own hands.  
  
I advise you not to come and rescue her- but if you really want to, my address and contact details are below.  
  
Cave 13M, The Great Pyramid of Giza  
  
Cairo, Egypt 2039  
  
Email: Kiss_my_ass_Pottyhead@hotmail.com  
  
Phone: 23191691  
  
Yours ever so truly,  
  
Malfoy Foy-Foy"  
  
A/N: I know I suck, but review anyway. Oh and that email address is NOT Malfoy Foy-Foy's real address (for those who don't know.) 


	8. Chapter 6: Saving the World before Potio...

A/N: Sorry for taking so long, I really got caught up! I have a list of 'What-ifs' right here and I would be great if I have MORE suggestions for you guys, the more wackier and the better, so think hard!  
  
Disclaimer: There should be no disclaimer 'cause you all know I own nothing, right?  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Six - Saving the world before Potions time: Part II  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Never expected that did you Hermione?" laughed Ron, sipping a bottle of Butterbeer.  
  
"These popped newt's eyes are delicious, Ron! They taste almost like.like Popcorn!" exclaimed Harry, pointing to the bucket in front of him.  
  
"Poppy Corn? What's that?" Ron asked, puzzled.  
  
"It's called Popcorn, not Poppy Corn, and it is a muggle snack," explained Hermione in a know-it-all tone of voice.  
  
"Eww, you mean muggles actually go around and pop corn? That's disgusting! I would rather stick to my newts eyes thank you very much!" Ron made a face, before turning back to the What-If-Vision.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
(On the What-If-Vision)  
  
Hermione folded up the note and put it inside the pocket of her emerald green cloak. She then proceeded to say, "Professor, we shall get to work at once and complete this rescue mission"  
  
"Oh, how can I ever thank you!" Filch croaked while wiping his eyes with a handkerchief that was offered by the Weasley Twins.  
  
"Just save your gratitude for the next time we get caught out of bed," mumbled Harry  
  
The Potterpuff gang mounted their brooms and kicked off into the air just as a flushed looking Snape came racing into the Great Hall. "Potter, Weasley and Granger, be back in time for the Potions tests! Or I'll make you regret it!" he shouted, as he ran his fingers through his greasy hair.  
  
The trio laughed and were heading out of the Hall as they heard a thunderous cry that belongs to their caretaker, "My eye! Ah, my eye! The handkerchief is eating my eye!"  
  
Harry and Ron exchanged amused looks, "Fred and George!"  
  
"Let's go. If we don't go now, we'll be late for Potions!" Hermione called out to her best friends.  
  
The three of them flew across the Quidditch field, over the Forbidden Forests, out of Hogwarts. Down to the Netherlands and into France, across to Italy, passing the Mediterranean Sea, and landing in Egypt, outside the Great Pyramid of Giza in  
  
Cairo.  
  
"Do you think this is the right place Hermione?" asked Ron, looking at the map he was holding.  
  
"Where else would we find something like this?" Hermione pointed at a sign outside the entrance that said: 'If you are here to save Mrs A. Norris, come through here."  
  
Harry led them into the pyramid through a small winding tunnel and it seems like they would be walking forever until. "I think I hear something, be quiet Ron, there are no spiders in here!" Harry prodded the wall with his wand and suddenly the wall began to lower into the earth beneath them. They stumbled on each other and fell through the door where the wall used to be.  
  
"I see you have found my hideout.Mwahahahahaha I guess that means I need to buy more bandages to mummify you three as well!" Harry looked up to see whom the voice belonged to. It was none other than the evil Slytherin who turned even more evil. Malfoy Foy-Foy!  
  
"Where's Mrs Norris you creep? Hand her over now and we might let you off easy," suggested Ron, pointing his wand at him.  
  
"You wouldn't want to do anything silly Weasel, one wrong move and you blow this whole place up," Malfoy Foy-Foy hissed, waving a hand to one of the many Spell-bind dynamites across the room.  
  
"What did you kidnap Mrs Norris Malfoy Foy-Foy? Surely a cat like that would be no use to you?" asked Harry lowering his wand as Ron and Hermione did.  
  
"Well, let me explain then. Many thousands of years ago, a powerful witch called Gabrielle Goldilocks got lost in a cottage that was owned by three Egyptian cats, Papa Cat, Mama Cat and their little kitten, Norris," he explained like an old man telling a tale. "Goldilocks decided to stay in the cottage while the three cats were away, and even ate some of their cat food. When the cats came back from their picnic, they found Goldilocks sleeping in their bed; and because they were very barbaric cats, they decided to eat her alive. Since Norris was the youngest, she got to eat Goldilocks's head. All of Gabrielle  
  
Goldilocks' powers was absorbed by Norris who changed her name into Mrs Augustus Norris to hide from her parents, and that is the end of the story."  
  
"I still don't get it, why do you need Mrs Norris then? I mean, you aren't going to eat her- are you?" Hermione badgered.  
  
"Well I'm sure you all know I want to take over the world, and to do that, I need a power source, which is Mrs Norris, but to be able to access her powers I need to mummify her," announced Malfoy Foy-Foy. "And if you three don't mind, I really have to get to work and translate this book first. It is terribly confusing!"  
  
"Oh.I take ancient runes, maybe I could help you with the translation!" Hermione ran over to Malfoy Foy-Foy and took the book he was holding.  
  
Harry shouted after her, "Hermione! You can't go and help him, he's trying to take over the world remember?"  
  
"It's no use, nothing can stand in front of Hermione Granger and a book, give up Harry, we mind as well have lost her," said Ron gloomily.  
  
"Malfoy Foy-Foy, this book is totally fascinating.Oh and you're wrapping the bandages the wrong way," Hermione instructed him as he wrapped the long white bandages around the unconscious Mrs Norris.  
  
"Ron, I've got an idea! I know what to do save Mrs Norris without killing anyone, including us!" exclaimed Harry.  
  
"We blow up the pyramid?" Ron suggested, but Harry ignored him and approached the very busy Malfoy Foy-Foy and Hermione.  
  
"Hermione, Malfoy Foy-Foy, it's almost time for the Potions test, you don't want to fail it now do you?"  
  
Almost like magic, the mummifying pair stoped working and zoomed out of the pyramid in a flash, leaving behind a half wrapped Mrs Norris.  
  
"That was bloody brilliant Harry! But is it really time for the test?" said Ron, Harry shrugged and muttered a 'don't know'.  
  
They disabled all the Spell-Bind Dynamites and carried Mrs Norris back through the tunnel, but as they walked out into the sunlight. They discovered that Malfoy Foy-Foy and Hermione and took two of their brooms and one broom was not enough for two teenagers and a cat.  
  
"I guess we could use the Portkey Professor Dumbledore gave me for the mission last time," Harry took it out of his pocket and signalled for Ron to approach it, three.two.one!"  
  
They both felt a hook tugged on their navel and their feet left the ground.  
  
"There you are, Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy Foy-Foy had just arrived, why weren't you with them?" Snape barked at them, but before he could say another world, a pale-faced Filch came running in.  
  
"Where's my cat? Where's Mrs Norris?" He pushed in front of Snape and looked at Harry and Ron.  
  
"Don't worry, Ron's got her, don't you?" The-Boy-Who-Lived turned to face his friend who was looking even more confused then usual.  
  
"But Harry, I thought you had Mrs Norris!"  
  
A/N: *sigh* end of another brilliant chapter.you don't think it's brilliant? Any plot bunnies attack you while reading? Tell it all in you review! 


	9. POLL FOR ROMEO AND JULIET

POLL FOR WHAT-IF-VISION  
  
The next chapter is a twisted version of a Romeo and Juliet Story, and since I have trouble deciding what era it should be set in, I'm having a poll!  
  
Choices include:  
  
* Stone Age  
  
* Medieval Period  
  
* Modern Times  
  
* In the Future  
  
Cast your votes in through reviews. (And I want lots of opinions!!!)  
Other suggestions are welcome too! ^-^ 


	10. The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Ro...

A/N: Sorry For the Long delay, but the results for the Poll was:  
  
Stone Age: 7  
  
Future: 9  
  
Other: 5  
  
So we are off to the Future!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Seven- The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Romeo Part I  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
(Where we left off last time)  
  
"Ron, get off my lap!" hissed Harry, giving his friend a shove that landed the young Weasley on the carpeted floor, "that's wasn't even scary!"  
  
"Did you see that Spider? The one mummified in the pyramid." Ron shivered and sat back at his own seat.  
  
"Ron, that was an octopus, not a spider! You see, an octopus also has eight legs and that might be why you mistaken it for a mummified spider," Hermione gently patted Ron on the shoulder, trying to calm him down.  
  
"Why don't we watch some thing a bit more.I don't know.cheery? Maybe that will make you feel better Ron?" Harry suggested. After receiving nods of agreement from his two best friends, he walked to the 'What-If-Vision' and directed it to play something classy.  
  
"What if .a bit of Shakespearean romance came to Hogwarts.?" Before Harry could finish, however, a cold voice interrupted him.  
  
"Yeah right Potter.in a thousand years!"  
  
Harry sprung around just as the screen of the What-If-Vision began to blur. Malfoy was standing at the doorway of the room.  
  
"How did you get in here Malfoy? I thought I sealed the room!"  
  
"Never underestimate a Slytherin, Potter. I don't want to stir up trouble though, so you needn't worry," Draco drawled, ignoring the snort of laughter that came from the other occupants of the room, "I'm just here to watch a little bit of entertainment." With that he conjured up his own royal green sofa and sat lazily upon it with a large bowl of chocolate frogs in his hands.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
(On the What-If-Vision)  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
Chorus:  
  
Two Houses, both alike in dignity,  
  
In Hogwarts, where we lay our scene, a thousands years from now,  
  
From ancient grudge breaks new mutiny,  
  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean  
  
From forth the fatal loin of these two foes,  
  
A pair of 'broom-crossed lovers' takes their life,  
  
Whose misadventure life piteously overthrown,  
  
Doth with their death bury their houses' strife?  
  
The fearful passage of their death-marked love,  
  
And the continuance of their houses' rage,  
  
Which, but their students' end, naught could remove,  
  
Is now the thirty-minute traffic of our stage.  
  
That which if you with patient eyes attend,  
  
Where here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.  
  
ACT I SCENE I  
  
Gryff024: How dare you Slytherin Robots cross your line and stumble to the Gryffindor side, for this you shall pay!  
  
Gryff025: We shall challenge you to a data duel.  
  
Slyth119: You are on, useless piece of metal with a silicon chip! Behold, my data transfer rate is three times yours!  
  
Gryff024: How dare you insult my chip, I shall sent you an email virus.  
  
Slyth163: No! My modem just crashed because of your virus.you shall pay Gryff-bots!  
  
Gryff024: Lets get out of here before the teachers come and give us all a week worth of Digital Detentions!  
  
Gryff025: Agreed.  
  
Slyth119: I am crying for you my fellow Slyth-bot, but.alas! Salty tears will short-circuit my system! I am dying, dying.the system is shutting down.  
  
ACT I SCENE II  
  
Harry: Oh how I yearn for a soul mate, one who I can hold and wisher sweet nothings to, but how am I supposed to find a homo sapien lover in this high- tech digital world?  
  
Draco: Dear Sir, would you help me please, my race cleaner seems to be malfunctioning!  
  
Harry: (to himself) At last, a damsel in distress, why and a pretty blonde one too! (To Draco) Of course I will help you my lovely one, what is your name?  
  
Draco: My name is not important. A name is nothing but a lifeless shell that hides the inner being.  
  
Narrator: And they fell in love almost at once without knowing each other's identities or where they were from. Every day by the metallic moon they would meet and ride their Tubo Vacuum Cleaners together and whisper sweet nothings to each other.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Malfoy stood up in a fury and tried to turn the What-If-Vision off, but Ron ran up and stopped him.  
  
"You were the one who wanted to watch this Malfoy, plus, once this thing starts, you can't turn it off till it finishes, so don't even try!" Ron laughed, "you know, this 'new image' really suits you.Oh, and you too Harry!"  
  
"Shut up!" snapped Draco, along with a red faced Harry.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Well, at least they agreed on something! So, enjoyed that? If you want to see the next Part, I have to get at least 10 reviews! 


	11. The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Ro...

Disclaimer: Mr Shakespeare, Mrs Rowling, now may your brilliant works unite in peace . . . oh and I own nothing weeps

What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Eight - The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Romeo Part II   
  
(On The What-if-vision)  
  
ACT II SCENE I  
  
The Program- Professor Snape is working 'hard' in his dungeon just as Draco Malfoy pushes open the door  
  
Draco: Did you use electronic telepathy to call for me Sir?  
  
Snape: Ah yes, Mister . . . er . . . Miss . . . uhm . . . Draco, I did call for you because there is something I need to discuss with you. Please take a seat.  
  
Draco took a seat on an orange electronic beanbag and focused his attention to the programmed professor  
  
Snape: I received an email from your father yesterday. He is extremely concerned about your wedding engagement with your fiancé Gregory Goyle . . .  
  
Draco: But I never agreed to marry him, professor, he is not even good looking!  
  
Snape: I'm sorry Draco, but he was the only candidate from Slytherin that agreed to marry you without the influence of iTech drugs! Plus, Lucius absolutely adores him, and that's the real reason why he bestowed you to Gregor . . .  
  
Draco races out of the dungeon before the Computerised Potions master could finish  
  
Snape: (To himself) Oh dear, if only poor Draco could choose his own lifetime partner, he would choose someone who really understands him for what he is. Someone like me . . .  
  
ACT II SCENE II  
  
In a secret hiding place that nobody knows except for our star-crossed lovers . . . and maybe the Weasley Twins  
  
Harry: My love, why are you weeping? Did you Tubo II Vacuum Cleaner crash again?  
  
Draco: (snob) No, it was my father, he is making me marry a dreadful, dreadful man.  
  
Harry: Who is this stranger that dare steal my precious away from me? I shall stab him to death with my self-stabbing sword!  
  
Draco: It is that horrible Gregory Goyle. Oh just saying his name makes my heart throb with metallic pain.  
  
Harry: How could this be? That Gregory Goyle was engaged to Draco Malfoy of Slytherin not two days ago!  
  
Draco: I must come clean to you darling, that Draco Malfoy you speak of is none other than the one you are holding now!  
  
Harry: You mean my digital chocolate frog is . . . Draco Malfoy?  
  
Draco: No, I meant me! I am Draco Malfoy of Slytherin!  
  
Harry: No, this cannot be, if you are who you said you are, than we are sworn enemies!  
  
Draco: Then you are a Gryffindor?  
  
Harry: Not just any Gryffindor, but I'm afraid to tell you I'm the Quidditch playing, Voldemort bashing Harry Potter!  
  
Draco: All this is too sudden, first the engagement and now you! I cannot take this anymore, I need to go to the toilet. And plus I need some time to digest all this data. Farewell my love . . .  
  
ACT II SCENE III  
  
Upon the Balcony of Slytherin House stands Draco Malfoy, staring into space where evil aliens dwell  
  
Draco: (sigh) Oh Harry, my dearest Harry, why do you have to be the one we Slytherins were brainwashed to hate? Why were our destinies programmed to intertwine in war yet unable to join in peace? Oh dearest God up in the Heavens whom I have met through Angel-Chat, please grant my e-prayer . . .  
  
A sudden movement in the artificial bushes below stirred Draco from his thoughts  
  
Draco: (shouting) Who dares spy on a fair maiden? Which pervert is hiding under my bushes?  
  
Harry: It is I, my love. I have come to answer your e-prayers!  
  
Just then, two Slyth-bots enter the scene  
  
Slyth158: Lady Draco? What is wrong? We heard your plea for help from some certain pervert . . . incorrect vocabulary, please update language list.  
  
Draco: Nothing is the matter. It was just an insignificant wildlife that appeared in the bushes, most probably a Pokemon.  
  
Slyth899: Would you like us to make a UV-scan of the grounds?  
  
Draco: That would not be necessary. Now leave!  
  
Exit Slyth158 and Slyth899  
  
Draco: My Darling, you can come out now, the 'chaperones' are gone.  
  
Harry: My ever so dearest Draco, did I tell you how marvellous you are looking tonight? The blue moonlight shining upon your face, you look like an angel from above . . .   
  
"Cut! Hey I said 'Cut'! Can't you see what this is doing to Potter? He's been puking in that popcorn bowl for ages now!" Malfoy laughed, "even I won't use this method to get the worst of him!"  
  
Ron patted his best friend's back, "Harry, would it make you feel better if I killed your 'angel from above'?" Harry nodded before throwing up even more.  
  
"Weasley GET OFF ME you. . . PERVERT!"  
  
Hermione rushed forwards to pull the red-faced red-haired Weasley off the pale-faced pale-haired Malfoy, "Everyone calm down, lets just finish watching this like okay? Oh and Harry, drink down this potion, it should stop you from feeling sick alright?"   
  
A/N: Want to know the ending to this Shakespearean Masterpiece? Stay tuned for the third of The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Romeo  
  
And in the meantime, don't forget to review! 


	12. The Tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Ro...

**A/N:** Whoa! It's been so long since I last updated, I'm terribly sorry and hope to make up for it by posting this 'long' chapter- Enjoy!  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not and shall not ... because I cannot ...

* * *

What-If-Vision  
  
Chapter Nine – The tragedy of Another Juliet and HIS Romeo Part III

* * *

(On the What-if-Vision)  
  
**ACT III SCENE I**  
  
Harry: My dear, are you sure this is what you want? I do not want to force you...  
  
Draco: Say this not! You are my four-eyed Prince in shining platinum armour. It is my dream to become Mrs Harry Potter!  
  
Enter Bishopbot27  
  
Bishopbot27: I sensed with my inbuilt 'Love-meter' that you two wish to cement your relationship into everlasting love  
  
Harry: Yes, we wish to get married  
  
Bishopbot27: Searching data for matrimony template ...  
  
Draco: Artificially sweetened Honey, did you bring the ring?  
  
Harry nodded, holding out two gold rings, each with several buttons, a speaker and an LCD screen attached  
  
Bishopbot27: Do you Mr Harry James Potter take this homosapien to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to love and cherish him, to stay along side of him when times are harsh, to earn enough eGalleons to support him with the finest luxuries, to die for him during hostage situations, to love him and him alone for as long as you both shall live during this lifetime and the next?  
  
Harry: Err ... I guess I do.  
  
Bishopbot27: Do you Mr Draco Lucius Malfoy ... INSERT TEXT FROM ABOVE  
  
Draco: I do.  
  
Bishopbot27: Then I pronounce you man and man, may your hormonic feelings, also known as love last forever. Oh and send me an email when you want to get divorced, I also have a downloaded version of Marriage Termination Version II.  
  
Exit Bishopbot27  
  
Harry: Mrs Potter, do you wish to embark on the next stage of our marriage by taking an Instant-Honeymoon?  
  
Draco: Yes I do wish so, let's go to Afghanistan, I heard they have some great terrorist museums!  
  
Harry presses a button on his wedding ring and shouts "Afghanistan" before disappearing with a puff. Draco follows suit  
  
Narrator: And so our young star-crossed lovers ended their bachelor lives. But their precious time together would not last long. Mr and Mrs Potter's Instant-Honeymoon is scheduled to finish in Five . . . Four . . .Three . . .Two . . .  
  
Another puff brings the couple back on to stage again, Harry is wearing a bright pink turban and Draco appears to be carrying a stuffed Bin Laden to  
  
Draco: Harry, that was the best ten seconds of my life, Afghanistan was a bomb (A/N: bomb, Afghanistan, get it? ()  
  
Harry: It was wonderful, but it will not stay like this for long. I am sure that Slytherins would not let us be together. Then you would have to fake your death and I will have to kill my self by mistake and you, end your life as well... such tragedy!  
  
Draco: Sugarlumps, have you been looking at the Future Forecast on BBC again?  
  
**ACT III SCENE II  
**  
In the dark and slimy Slytherin dungeons  
  
Draco: Father, what do you mean I have to marry Gregory Goyle or else I would be tickled senseless by an automatic feather tickler?  
  
Lucius: Son, Gregory Goyle is a fine Homo sapiens specimen of man, if I was not married to your mother I would gladly woo him myself. I mean, have you actually seen him in the shower?  
  
Draco: You disgust me father, I'm just glad Grandpa was heterosexual, because I think I possess his genes instead of yours  
  
Lucius: You can never be so sure Draco. I remember Grandpa Malfoy telling me about how he spent his early adulthood fantasizing about his Transfiguration Professor. Abercrombie Dumbledore, father of that muggle loving headmaster of yours. I shall leave you now, I expect you to be ready to meet Gregory's parents tomorrow morning.  
  
Lucius leaves with a swish of his lace covered shocking pink robes. Draco slumps against the wall  
  
Draco: What should I do? I cannot withstand marrying Goyle! I rather commit digitalised suicide...  
  
In pops Bishopbot27  
  
Bishopbot27: Did I hear you say suicide? You know, I can offer you a wide range of services involving terminating your life. For a mere 30 eGalleons you can enjoy the VIP death treatment ...  
  
Draco: But I thought you were a bishop?  
  
Bishopbot27: Yes I am, but I also specialise in reincarnations, deaths and suicides, toilet cleaning and sushi rolling.  
  
Draco: You don't do the last two services together, do you?  
  
Bishopbot27: I do anything that pleases my customer. Did you request for a suicide?  
  
Draco: Is there any product you can suggest that would solve my problems yet allow me to keep breathing in oxygen?  
  
Bishopbot27: I would suggest the Sleeping Beauty Therapy. It keeps you in a guaranteed non-decaying dead form until either a kiss from your true love is performed or the activating password is stuffed down your throat.  
  
Draco: Excellent, I shall take it.  
  
Bishopbot27 hands Draco a glass vial containing a turquoise coloured liquid. Draco swallows it down in one gulp  
  
Bishopbot27: Good luck dying Mrs Potter.  
  
Bishopbot27 disappears with another Pop. Draco slowly walks back towards the Slytherin Common Room  
  
**ACT III SCENE III**  
  
In the Corridors of Hogwarts, School of Technological Witchcraft and Wizardry  
  
Colin Creevy: Extra. Extra, Read all about it! Slytherin commits suicide after engagement! Grab your copy of 'Hogwarts Hogwash' now! Oh hi Harry, here take one.  
  
Harry scans the headlines of the electronically powered newspaper, then looks at the moving picture of Draco accompanying it. He lets out a wolf howl. People are staring at him  
  
Harry: My one true love had buried her problems by escaping humanity! If I cannot be with her in this lifetime, I shall follow her to the next. Declares dramatically I shall kill myself!  
  
More people staring at Harry, the word 'psychopath' is heard twice  
  
Harry: I need to find Snape. He is the only one who can help me now!

* * *

**A/N:** Do you think this story would end like Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet? Stay tuned for the final instalment of The Tragedy of another Juliet and HIS Romeo! And please, be a good reader and review! 


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